Ramblings

So today sees another place in desperate need of rebranding. Yes that's right folks, Austria. I don't know if the big media corporations have been reading my blog and so are just sticking the word "rebranding" in the hope that I will mention them or link to them, but by jove, this time it has worked! Would you believe it! But the problem is, instead of mentioning any kind of context, I've just written this mangled garbage, so it's probably backfired on them! Aha! In your face Murdoch and Maxwell!

So Britain apparently loves a good Innuendo. No, of course not the Queen album! Don't be silly!This is all because the sexually repressed need a tittilating way to express their kinkiness, and the perfect outlet for this is a good old innuendo. Here is a joke that I heard a long while about an innuendo, I'm not quite sure who told it to me so I can't quite give you credit: "A man walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre. So he gave her one." BOOM BOOM! Oh yes, with jokes like that, I think you'll agree, this blog will never go stale!


It won't be long until I have to wave goodbye to something that has overtaken my life in the last few months, and that is of course the dissertation. It will of course be an enormous relief to finally get the bugger bound up and handed in, but at the same time I think I'm going to miss the little fellow. Here's a charming picture of a small boy celebrating me coming to the end of my dissertation in true national identity style! Everybody say 'aaaah'. Hoorah!

Anyway, join me tomorrow for a special report on the local elections, including a minute by minute account of my journey to the polling station! Oh yes, I really do spoil you lucky people!

I'm off to (insert your own innuendo here - so to speak). xx

Click here for today's media blog on the most offensive advert in Britain.

In the 1880s, a man who attacked and stabbed over 50 women received only 6 years imprisonment, which was, by the standards of the day, an extraordinarily long sentence. Something like that really makes you wonder if the English legal system really has gotten as bad as it is often declared so. Comments welcome. If anybody is actually reading this, it could provide an interesting debate. If nobody is, then it can just be added to the extensive portfolio of rantings that I come out with nowadays. Does this blog even exist, without a readership?

Wednesday usually turns out to be a productive day, but as I no longer have to be up so early and sitting in front of a computer screen, I'm afraid that the normal rest-of-the-week service may have to be adequate.



In political news this week, it is said that Gordon Brown is preferred abroad to here in old Blighty. I think it's because he's Scottish. What do you think? Either that or it's that weird thing he does with his mouth - no, not talking, although that is slightly annoying too - that weird mouth movement like he's just about to wretch a-la Prescott. Maybe the yanks like that kind of thing, maybe they like Scottish people. Who knows. Maybe they do, but being as I'm not one of them, I'm not sure I can answer it fully.

I was also reading, in the very same article, that in London there is a professor in "contemporary British history". Now most people would probably call this "news", or maybe "politics". Contemporary British History - it sounds like another rebranding gone wrong yet again!

I have to tell you that the contents of today's blog have very little to do with its title, make what you will of that.

Now, as I got invited to be an X-factor judge today - or rather, the "second best thing" (apparently) - judging a website at the annual Bright Futures conference... I want to make this blog a bit more interactive, and I'm also thinking along the lines of a re-brand, because I'm about the only media outlet left who hasn't done that for a while. So, if you like the current look of the blog, please vote by sending the comment "I LOVE YOUR BLOG!". I promise, this is not a blatant and obvious beg for love. Honestly.

We are very nearly at the one-month anniversary of the creation of this blog, one month on and I'm still writing. Who would have thought, one whole month of boredom!

Woo-hoo!

Anyway, that's all for today, I'm off to judge the X-Factor. (Don't forget to check out my media blog for today's exciting entry about kinky porn!)

Today I present a few questions for your consideration:

Today, or perhaps it was actually yesterday, I got to thinking about something which has always plagued me. Why is it that scientists who discover planets with ice/water decide that this means that there is definitely the possibility of alien life-forms having existed there?

Now I'm not a science boffin, but someone needs to explain to me what's behind all this. Surely aliens are, alien? Do they need water? Do they need oxygen? Surely basing their needs on our own needs is a bit, well, naive? Or maybe I'm just missing out on something. If you know the answer to this question, then if you could let me know I'd surely be able sleep better. Thanks.

In other news, I know you will all be dying to know that the copy of Elle magazine sold for a whopping great £39 plus £20 p&p, netting me a profit of around £50. Yipee. I knew there was something to be said about sticking with capitalism and throwing out consumerism. I haven't consumed that much this week, but I've still managed to capitalise on someone else's uncontrollable spending desires. Yesss! (This is not a reference to the Austrian phone network, just in case you wondered).


All of that got me thinking about fans. Not the kind that blows air on you when it's a bit hot, but the fanatics. What is about certain individuals, who are, after all, merely human, that would induce an otherwise sane individual to spend a whopping great £39 plus £20 p&p on a magazine, which, lets be honest, is not of the greatest quality and was not altogether different from that which was available in the shops. Having studied theories of fandom with the famous Matt Hills, I should probably know the answer to this, or have some sort of psychological profiling worked out on the kind of person that would do this, but having been over a while since I finished that module, it's more-or-less gone out of my head. That was so worthwhile. In case you were wondering what the picture that illustrates this paragraph is, apparently it's Andy Abrahams and his no.1 fan. Who'd have thought it.

So my last point, in order to live up to the title of this blog is: what would happen if aliens came to Earth? Would they become celebrities and would they gain themselves a new breed of fan - the alien-fan? You might say that people who believe they're already out there, follow crop-circles and love a bit of Roswell are these people. We currently call them deluded or freaks - so what would happen if aliens actually did come to Earth? If you've got any theories on this, let Matt Hills know, he'd probably love to hear from you.

Anywho, I'm off to look for flying saucers and more Madonna fans to sell magazines to.

Ciao for now, fans.

xx

Yesterday the God Squad called round for a bit of a chat before tea-time. Although these were nice God-squadders, no trying to convert me, just a nice chat about why we're here. I wanted to answer because this is where I live, this is my house you lunatics! But they meant in a more deep-and-meaningful, did God-create-us way - I told them I was here by chance. This was one of the options on the nice green sheet they gave me. If only all the answers in life were as simple as that nice green sheet then we'd have a lot less to worry about.

What do I think about Jesus? I said he was a good teacher - although, his stance on punctuation is unknown. If he taught the kids how to use colons and stuff, I'd say he was even better. But that's just something I'll never know I guess.

I've decided I want to travel around, but being poor (and anti-consumerist) I naturally don't want to pay for it, therefore, if anybody wants to pay me to travel around and come up with exciting blogs such as my Hungarian ones, then please let me know. You wouldn't have to pay me much, just expenses naturally. And I think you'll agree, that the blogs will be truly fantastic, and your page will become the biggest read page in the history of the whole entire interweb. Fantastico.

And on that note, for all of you sensible people who like to check out my photo blog, good news kids, it's expanded! Check out the ultra-new shiny and super page here. Again, if anybody wants to pay me to take photos of various cities, then I shall do that for you too - just let me know. I'll be waiting.

I've read today that more people in Britain donate to donkey charities than donate to abuse charities. I'm not sure which category donkey abuse comes under, but I'm guessing the first. I'm not sure what to make of it, I can't say I'm surprised by it. Next time I see that donkey advert though I'm going to shout at the television "you've got enough money, you robbing donkeys!" and see how they like that. I know they won't be able to understand me - donkeys do not have the same cerebral functioning of the average human being, but I will feel like justice is being done. Next time I visit Blackpool, I'll kick a donkey in the shin and steal some money from it, then it will know what it's like to be a victim of abuse in this country! Right on sister!

Why on Earth are McDonald's dressing up their slaves like this. That's right as a "mark of respect" for their staff. How about paying them more than 10p an hour, and in fact telling them that surely there must be better jobs than working in that hell-hole? I bet the kids who work there are just so happy that the boss-men have decided to dress them up like a badly-dressed air-stewardess (jeez that's bad) . That'll make the days shovelling burgers down the throats of the fatties whizz by. Well done.

O, it is excellent
To have a giant's strength; but it is tyrannous
To use it like a giant

Not my words of course, but Shakespeare's. Happy Birth and Death day to him today. The quote is from Measure for Measure, supposedly a comedy, but about as funny as Mr Bean. No, wait that's too harsh. It does have a character called Pompey Bum in it, and that's a joke that just keeps on giving. The words are spoken by a nun. Today's blog theme could almost be nuns, almost. But it won't be. Not today - come back tomorrow instead perhaps. If I was being political today I would argue that that quote resonates quite well with lots of world leaders in the current climate. But I'm not feeling that political, so I'll just carry on laughing at Pompey Bum. Ha ha ha.

Today is St. George's Day. Ah, like so many great English folk, St George was in fact, not English. Tell that to the Daily Express buffoons! Anyway, as more people in fact celebrate Bonfire Night nowadays, I'm hoping my little corner of blog will tell everyone that it's not a crime to celebrate St. George's Day - so get out there and pretend like you care about England and maybe one day you really will. This paragraph doesn't really apply to any of my Welsh fans, so apologies for that.

Anyway, I think I've talked for long enough now, this extra long blog is to make up for the fact that there was a stunning lack of blog-action yesterday - many apologies.

Farewell, I'm off to kick a donkey.

x

My gift is my song, and this one's for you.

(Also inspired by JB)

You don't need to like carrots to live in my house,
Because when we live there, you can have curry sauce,
And I'll just have carrots.

It's my sincerest hope that
You don't turn into a bulimic after all the curry sauce,
Because looking like John Prescott can't be much fun for anybody,
And that includes John Prescott.

I also hope that by then you will have turned off your invisibility,
So that I will be able to see you standing behind me in the kitchen.
Otherwise I might spill the sangria,
And it might turn the floor slippy, and I might look a dancing penguin,
But without the wicked cool part.

By then the Jelly should be finally ready, so we can enjoy that,
and watch videos of Gerald. Who was livid.

It's nice that there will be a box provided for the magazines, because
You don't want to answer the door in your pants,
And for some reason I have never been in the equasion for answering the door myself.

And you can tell everybody, that this is your song.
Although whether you'll want to judging by it's quality is anybody's guess.

--FIN--

N.B. Normal blogging service resumes next week fans.
N.B.2 - Notice how all my songs don't actually have any music. That's because they are post-modern songs.

Here is a song inspired by the genius that is Johnny Borrell, and a bit of Kate Nash.


Today I didn't get up until quite late,
Which was a bit of a shame.
I didn't really get round to doing much else all day
Which was also a bit of a shame.
I had chilli for my tea, it wasn't that good.
Which was a bit of a shame.


Oh what a shame, shame, shame.


I was supposed to be doing some writing today,

But I didn't get around to it.
That's because I've had a late day.
It's a shame.


Oh what a shame, shame, shame.


Then I went to the shop, but I realised that

I don't like shops,
So I came home again.
I got the keys out of my bag, and used them to open my door.


But when I got in I realised there was lots of washing up to do.


Oh what a shame, shame, shame.


Do you like it?

This blog is a bit short, perhaps because it is unfinished. I'll get back to you later.

I've got no time for people with no time.

Sometimes I think about the past, sometimes I think about the future, sometimes I think about the present. They are all unknown quantities in some form or another.

For a split-second last night I thought there was an intruder, but it turned out to just be me. But the question is - what was I doing in the garden?! What is a split-second? Is it like a split pea? Or a banana split? I am told that in Vienna, chocolate covered bananas are available. What I want to know is, is the chocolate hard or melted.

This one goes out to my avid reader, at least there is one - just so you know, I had pasta for lunch, and not you, but then I think you probably would have noticed that I didn't have you. Oh and thanks for giving me all the cravings today. You blue-meany.

Oh and by the way, my magazine now has 16 watchers and a bid of £1.24. I think if it makes a significant profit, I may have to have a celebratory pizza, until I realise I don't like them.

There's only so much happiness in the world, and they're hogging it. That's not how happiness works. It so is. What's happened to the Muller?! - You probably won't get this unless you happened to be watching the same DVD as me, which is, all in all probablity, highly unrealistic.

Are you gonna go my way?

Some debates I have had today:

We probably had some more, but I'm finding it hard to recall now.

We also went to the National Museum of Wales today. This gets the thumbs up from me on the Amy-scale of Museum ratings. I am quite the connoisseur now, so the museum should be pleased. After covering the museum strike a couple of weeks ago, I am fully in agreement with their concerns. I especially liked the natural history section of the museum because it had a wooly mammoth that moved, dinosaur skeletons and a large basking shark. All of these scared Jen, which amused me. They didn't have any of the really famous paintings by the impressionists, but they did have all the famous impressionists. In the end, I've decided this is a good thing, because I've seen a lot of the famous paintings in other galleries.

Today I am also scrabbling about the place desperately trying to find things to sell. The problem is, whereas one man's junk is another man's treasure, I think in my case, it's just all junk. In all probablity it needs to be thrown out completely and I should start again. Or perhaps not start again. That would be probably be best. But hey, that's far too idealistic.

So here we are back to the daily grind...

Well well well, you lucky lucky people.

Yes, it's me, back again for a special edition live from Budapest! Oh yes!

I'm not going to pretend that this blog is going to be anything special, as after two long days, I'm pretty tired. I'll give you a run-down of what we've been upto though, again, you are so lucky!

Yesterday was a verrrrrrrrrry long day, as we had to get up at 5am (yawn) and get to Luton to board the Wizzair flight - does Wizzair instil much confidence in you? After escaping death on the runway at the destination as it seemed like we might fall off the edge of the planet, we managed to navigate our way to our plush hotel on public transport. Woo hoo for us.

We thought we'd do something nice and happy for our first day here, so we thought why not visit the local graveyard. This turned out to be pretty interesting, and Emma pulled together plans for her mauseleom. Basically; knock down much of Hadley Street build a huge statue and monument to her life and wait for the onlookers to crowd round. We'll see about that.

We also managed to pose with some statues, a theme that has continued today, people might think we're obsessed. Maybe we are.

Continuing with the happy theme this afternoon we visited The House of Terror. Emma made sure she got a t-shirt, though for some reason she didn't want a bust of Lenin or Stalin from the gift shop. I would have thought every home needs one of those. OK maybe not, what a strange souvenir idea.

Just to note, we have visited other attractions other than death sites.

Well I'm sure you're all quite bored by now, so I'll sign off, who knows what exciting things are to come in the next couple of days.

Ciao chums. x

Because I rarely have ideas of my own, I have stolen this one from Matt.

It is a list of my top 5 worst songs ever. To view Matt's list click here.

1. Flying Without Wings - Westlife because it got to number one it inspired them to keep going and keep releasing more songs. This is a waste of ear-space on anybody with half a gene of musical taste. Most things I can see a merit of. This filth I cannot.

2. Summer of '69 - Bryan Adams: despite nobody who's probably ever listened to this being alive during 1969 or having any idea of the fun-loving hedonistic times of 1969, it seems to inspire all drunken students to declare 'tune' despite the fact that clearly it isn't.

3. Any of the output from Cascada - or as Edith Bowman referred to earlier as Chavcada. Listened to by pissed up twats and chavs, Cascada seems to just moan about not having a boyfriend or similar things like that. It doesn't match with the shit upbeat nature of the song. Oh and she's got a face I'd like to slap. Cheer Up Love.

4. Let It Be - The Beatles: because I wholeheartedly agree with Matt's sentiments on this one. It's shocking that after a whole host of excellent songs, this pile of shit should be allowed to be included in their repertoire. It does sound like a hymn, and being as I have spent my life avoiding Churches for good reason I don't need this crap forcing it upon me.

5. Anything from those Hardcore dance albums. Because I can't figure out why anybody would possibly want to listen to this crap in their house, when presumably they only didn't mind listening to it because they were so pissed/drugged up they had lost function in their ears. Anybody that buys these CDs for enjoyment pleasure should be rounded up and shot at dawn. It's the kindest thing really.

Well, anybody who's got any suggestions, please send them in and perhaps with enough power behind us we can banish these songs by raiding HMV and snapping in half any of the CDs that appear with them on. Computer geeks get working on a very specific virus to wipe out the mp3 versions. The rebel alliance shall rid the world of this filth. Oh and anyone who disagrees with me - wonderful. I'd love to meet you.

And as Matt says, the following ending is soaked in a post-modern realisation at the lack of purposeful writing influences and causes, it's suitably minimalist, but also refreshingly defeatest in the time of overkill:

I can't think of a good way to end today's blog.

So, npower have been revealed for using underhand tactics to sign up clients when doorstepping. It certainly strikes a chord with me, as I was nearly recruited by one of these types of companies myself.

Well well well.

What a cool night last night - I think it's obvious the music is gonna be up to standard when they're playing the Rolling Stones when you get in! By the time I crashed in I'd been up for 21 hours! But I wasn't even tired. Fabulous.

It was the last day at the Echo yesterday - even though I'd only been there for the grand total of 4 days it felt almost like I'd worked there for months. Now I'm sad to leave it. Aw. Having said that, it's a sobering thought seeing my face in the paper this morning. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeek. I have to agree with Hannah's sentiments that if anyone ever mentions the word Hot Topic to me again you won't see me for dust! Making us do 11 yesterday - now that was just cruel!

No reverse chicken nuggets last night either, so that is always a bonus I find! Although I'm slightly worried because I found the fork from my takeaway in my bed this morning. I wonder what it was doing in there.

Anyway - more serious matters. Is new media killing journalism? There's a question. I think the answer is not really - but that's not very definite. Should we be more definite? I don't know...

Another topic for your delectation - what is the role of children in war torn environments?

Don't worry I'm not becoming all pious and thought provoking... it's for some competitions I'm contemplating enterings... although at this precise moment all I want to do is slob out on the living room floor. But hey ho. What can you really do?

So Doctor Who's back tonight - i think we know certain JOMEC lecturers will be loving that. I for one will be watching to look out for signs of nationalism and patriotism. After all the Doctor seems to owe his allegiance to the Brits despite being an alien. I wonder what the Daily Express would have to say on that conundrum. One of Britain's biggest icons - not even British. But then hey, what's new?

What I really need now is a flux capacitor. I think that would help with several conundrums I am now facing.
1. I have not finished my draft dissertation. Oh dear. That's not good.
2. I want to go back to simpler times.
3. I would not have spent so much money on books, DVDs or clothes.
4. I would have remembered to check who won the Boat Race.
and 5. I would have thought about writing this better so I would have had a better number five.

But then as we all know, I say have no regrets. I mean I have about a million regrets, but yeah. Don't have any!

Some things for you to contemplate:
1. Is Doctor Who British?
2. To what use would you put a flux capacitor?
3. What do people mean they refer to 'simpler times'?
4. Why is pink so frequently associated with girls?
and 5. Is there anything better than walking into a club and hearing Brown Sugar?

Discuss.

And that's all from me today. So until next time.

Peace and love xxxx

Well what a fabulous day. Not only was the weather glorious all day long, but it was generally a nice day all round.

This morning me and Hannah got down to the museum to cover today's hot story, the strike. Oh yesss folks this is the journalism I signed up for! Woo-hoo. In all seriousness, we got a by-line out of it so it turned out to be pretty exciting. Although I'm not sure the people in the paper shop saw it that way when we started squealing because we saw our names.

Not only this but doing our vox pops only took about 30 mins today, compared with the 3 hours it's taken before. We must be getting good at this.

Then the best news of course, I got accepted onto the postgrad. I think it's obvious what's happened, they've heard through the grapevine about this blog and thought it would be a crime to waste such obvious writing talent and they've had to snap me up! Woo-hoo.

So that was a good day all round. Oh and I had a Cornetto. A strawberry one.

Peace out.

OK, so I think the big news for today is that there is a collection of paintings inspired by Welsh quilts coming to the Rhondda. That's right you heard it here first.

Next up in journalism scoop of the year, we have have been sent on a mission to cover a strike at the museum. I'm expecting the Pulitzer won't be far behind!

Today I caused a bit of a debate in the Bible shop. Considering I'm an atheist I think this is pretty good going. This was nothing to do with my non-belief, it was of course over plans which have been rejected by the Church in Wales to let women be bishops. (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/7325877.stm) Whilst one guy in the shop argued that women had no right to be in authority over men, another suggested that all people were created equal and God is neither male or female. Right on. They're probably still discussing it now. I wonder if they sell many Bibles in their shop or just spend all day discussing such matters. Anywho - for more info on that check out the Viewpoint section of the Echo tomorrow - I know you'll all be rushing to get it!

And in other news, some guy from Bangor has designed a new set of coins released by the Royal Mint today. It just doesn't get any more exciting that.

Ciao chums.

OK, so apparently it's a good idea for a writer to actually write things. How quaint. What's next? A doctor that actually doctors? Well I never.

Anyway, as this is the first "blog", it's bound to not be very good, but then that's life I suppose.

Supposedly we should steer clear of telling people what we had for breakfast on these kind of things, but what if what we had for breakfast was extraordinarily interesting, for instance, what if one had consumed a paving slab, I would find that interesting. Maybe that's just me.

I suppose in times to come I may use this to reflect upon the news of the day, so let me think, is there anything I'd like to comment on for today.... Hmmm... it's interesting all this business about the immigrants, its as if somebody up there thought I know, we need a nice headline for the Express and for its readers to be validated in jumping up and down and shouting, "I told you they were all a waste of time." I hope they're happy.

My "photo blog" continues... if you are bored one day and think, I know let's check out what Amy's been doing today, you now have a variety of outlets in which to do so - you lucky lucky people. There is of course here, and for visual fun and delight my flickr page at... http://www.flickr.com/photos/25000504@N06/sets/72157604232954498/. That's the album "photo of the year..." if you're even more bored, check out the reject album... woo hoo!

Anyway, I'm guessing I should probably go and do something a bit more constructive so there is is something more interesting to write in this time.....

Ciao for now Amigos. Peace and love.

P.S. - What kind of maniac would write their blog in the font "Webdings"? - Discuss.